Friday, February 5, 2010

Oh yeah, that's why...

Some days I wonder if we're doing the right thing homeschooling the boys. Are we doing enough of the right things? Not too many of the wrong things? Most days I wonder what in the hell are we doing?

But then I stumble on some "Behavior warnings" that Bubba received in his final month of public school. It reminds me how clueless the school staff was regarding his disability and how unmotivated they were to help him be successful in the regular school environment. And then I remember he has been off of all medications for almost a year. Not that it has been easy, and not that medication won't be revisited. But it was a break we could do because we could control his environment rather than try to control him. Sort of.

I still feel lost though, and I'm not sure that feeling goes away? Anyone?

10 comments:

Stimey said...

I'm sure it's difficult because you don't have the external validation. But I think you know that you did the right thing.

I think that lost feeling sticks around whether they're in school or homeschooled. Kids, especially complicated kids, are an enigma.

Big hugs to you.

Mrs. C said...

What Stimey said.

I'd add that I could probably "prove" that I am educating my children well enough, but it won't help them "behave" properly when they get out into the "real world." I hate the "real world" for it, but am trying my doggonest to prepare the children for it just the same.

I'm very, VERY scared of what will happen when my non-verbal child is elementary aged. I don't feel "qualified" to homeschool him, and that's not false humility talking. Then again, no, locking him in a closet isn't acceptable either.

Sometimes we just need to come to terms with the fact that while there are great GAINS to homeschooling, there are areas of loss as well. And to me, that's so wrapped up in the disability thing that it's hard to untangle.

Rambled, but want to say you're not alone in all this.

Ange said...

You both are so right...We have had so many emotional/social growths...it's just amazing. But because we don't match curriculum goals, am I failing? Not that Bub was anywhere close when he was in public school, he has every LD you can think of. And I told myself I wanted to homeschool inpart so he could LEARN instead of COMPLY. And that is what is happening, but it is so stinkin' scary because it's not on the school's timeline. BUT that's was the main reason, to do it on HIS timeline. AAAHHHH! Am I going to miss something and then he will be scared for life? I'm sure other homeschoolers feel this way, but when you have children with disabilities this seems to just taunt you from the sidelines constantly. It was there when they were in school too, I just thought it might go away. I was wrong.

Ange said...

I apologize for my typos. :P

Mrs. C said...

YES, you will miss stuff. People will think you "made him this way" because you homeschooled him. There will always be ignorant people. There will always be people who make judgments without knowing all the facts.

But I'm pretty sure you have some idea about reasonable goals for Bub. I'm also pretty sure that every now and then you evaluate (not necessarily "formally") where you are and how you're doing. And you are open to learning new things and changing your practices.

I didn't know Great Britain was an island until I was out of college... and I went to a pretty good one. I read Shakespeare, though.

The point: we all have gaps. What are the most important things for BUB, the gaps that you think you can prevent? How can you make him as competent and self-advocating as possible?

Well, you know what I mean. I wasn't turning my comment into a grill session... just meaning that I'll bet you are doing all you can. :)

nixwilliams said...

heya, i've been thinking about you and yours - it's ages since you updated. i hope you're all ok.

Mrs. C said...

Yes, AGES!! I thought something was wrong with my reader that I hadn't seen anything, and I clicked through an old comment of yours to check.

Hope all things are going well. Take care and God bless!

Ettina said...

I am 21, and currently in my second year of university. I'm also diagnosed with PDD NOS and PTSD.

When I was 12, I was in crisis. Running away from school, deeply depressed, never doing any schoolwork, getting into fights with teachers and classmates, bullied every day. My parents decided they'd had enough, and pulled me out of school.

They've told me now that they had deep misgivings. People kept telling them that if I didn't graduate grade 12, I wouldn't be able to go into higher education or get a good job. Everyone seemed to agree that they were making a big mistake.

To make it worse, the only technique that worked for me was unschooling, which looks absolutely nothing like regular schooling. My parents had never heard of unschooling, either - they reinvented it because it's what I needed. I couldn't take any tests or do any assignments, all I did was research whatever caught my interest. So my parents couldn't point to any proof that this was working. All they knew was that it was a lot less of a failure than everything else had been.

Then, a couple years ago, I took the SAT and aced it. And now, here I am, in university and doing well. And I know, the way things were going for me in school, that I'd never have made it to this point if my parents hadn't done what they did.

Ettina said...

I am 21, and currently in my second year of university. I'm also diagnosed with PDD NOS and PTSD.

When I was 12, I was in crisis. Running away from school, deeply depressed, never doing any schoolwork, getting into fights with teachers and classmates, bullied every day. My parents decided they'd had enough, and pulled me out of school.

They've told me now that they had deep misgivings. People kept telling them that if I didn't graduate grade 12, I wouldn't be able to go into higher education or get a good job. Everyone seemed to agree that they were making a big mistake.

To make it worse, the only technique that worked for me was unschooling, which looks absolutely nothing like regular schooling. My parents had never heard of unschooling, either - they reinvented it because it's what I needed. I couldn't take any tests or do any assignments, all I did was research whatever caught my interest. So my parents couldn't point to any proof that this was working. All they knew was that it was a lot less of a failure than everything else had been.

Then, a couple years ago, I took the SAT and aced it. And now, here I am, in university and doing well. And I know, the way things were going for me in school, that I'd never have made it to this point if my parents hadn't done what they did.

Our Free Minds said...

((hugs)) I feel the same way every day. We just started unschooling a few months ago. I still don't have curriculem or a clue. For now I'm just sitting back and we're all decompressing from the torture that was public school with learning disabilities and accomodation plans that didn't work because the classrooms were stuffed to the gills and unorganized. Hang in there. I am here with you! ~Angie (freemind from twitter)