Taking the Good with the Bad

On my good days, my collected days, my recharged days, I am rational and I approach things from a direction that just makes sense. I can block a head butt with a compassionate hug and work through a difficult choice mitigating an explosion with nothing more than step by step simplified problem solving, tight squeezes, a soft steady voice, and a willingness to separate the behavior from the communication. I don't flinch when I find money torn into little pieces in a carefully constructed pile behind the couch. On these days I breathe unicorns and rainbows. I only see the smiles, the hugs, the laughs, the growth.

On my bad days, I feel like the man from The Green Mile, the man who sucks up all of the bad energy. Except I never get to vomit locusts. Instead they eat silently inside of me, nibbling at the parts of my brain that control short term memory, self confidence, patience, motivation. Some of them eventually do break free, directed at my children at the oddest of times. My voice spews tiny buzzing wings that lash out and frantically slice in an effort to make someone else feel the fear, the confusion, the anger that I feel. I catch myself quickly and gulp down the immature retaliation, bloodying my already raw throat. These are my children. They don't know better. I do. I must lead by example. I must. On these days I wonder what is wrong with me? But it is also these days that allow me to "get" Bubba and Moose, which opens the possibility of more good days.

So the dance continues.

Fatal Attraction

See this cute little puddy tat?



She likes to torture things. Like this one that she blinded and then watched as it slammed itself into things.



And then decapitate them and drag them into our basement. Thankfully this one didn't fit through the kitty door.



I'd almost be disgusted, except that Momma's vegetable garden and flowers have been virtually untouched. And Hubby, who "hates" cats, now has a strange fondness of this one because she comes when she's called, snuggles with his boys, and kills things. Apparently his priorities for females aren't very high.

The Media Circus Begins

This is why I have been so quiet.

I do not like this. Today I show my face and then stand back as people make comments like they know what's going on.

I guess the cover was blown early regarding the press conference today, so now I can share this publicly:

http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=167698&catid=3

The comments are starting.... the ones about how the kids should just be in mental institutions or that this treatment is warranted because these kids are 'so violent.' Oh and the ones about how if I would do my job as a parent this wouldn't be happening... Any support in the comment sections would be appreciated. I'm guessing stuff will be in the post this week too.

I think I am going to puke

I am really nervous. I can't say why. I want to throw up.

How much power does one really big school district have? I think I might just find out.

[insert anxious retching sounds]

Does your library have this stuff?

We are fans of our local library. Always have been. For the past year or so, I've been downloading audio books and recently I realized we can download e-books. And it's all free. Bubba already spent 20 minutes reading this one. And I've got me eye on books like this. Seriously, if the boys say "I want to know more about sharks" I can show them a pretty pdf rather than a web page. Now don't get me wrong, I like anything where I can find information, but sometimes those web pages have too much to weed through.

Now, I am a big fan of THE BOOK, so you won't see me relying solely on "E" anything when it comes to "reading." We have hundreds of books, but can't have every single one...so this a nice resource. Especially if it's snowy outside and your kids want to know more about dinosaurs or whatever RIGHT NOW. And I can't say "No" to learning, even if it's at 11:30 PM. So this is good, because the library would be closed.

So if you haven't yet, find out if your library does something similar!

Other People's Junk

I have a big problem, and I'm hoping you (yeah you Stimey) can fix it!

Dear Stimey,

Even though I am a longtime stalker at Stimeyland, I am a new reader of The Junk Pyramid. I am in need of your decluttering wisdom.

Because we are in close proximity to family and friends, we often accumulate other people's junk. I'm telling you, it knows where we live, and it knows how to find us! We have so much of other people's clutter in our house: food containers that eventually get washed that once contained the in-laws' leftovers we never asked for (or ate), toys that were 'borrowed' from a friend to ease a transition (and avert a temper tantrum), magazines and books that I supposedly have to read (but never will), clothes that were needed after an unexpected puking or expected mud puddle incident (I think those got laundered? hmmmm), and of course the fine-accumulating library books and movie rentals.

So we have all of this clutter we can't get rid of until we remember to return it. Yeah, that remembering part is hard. And the locating of the junk is even more difficult in the off chance we do remember.

So what do we do? Donating it all to Goodwill is not an option. I did that last year and the tax write off did not balance out the fines and tsk tsks. The couch won't work, because that's where we put the clean laundry that my mother-in-law folds sometimes. The kitchen won't work because that's where all the shit we have to keep goes. My office? My bedroom? A spare room or shelf or table in the hallway, you say? Nice try.

Please share your wisdom. I'm sure I could put my children through college by saving on the fines alone. And my sanity would be much improved if I had a way to organize borrowed clutter (at least I tell myself that in one of my many voices).

Sincerely,

the borrower of other people's trouble (and crap)

Seeing Things

I watched a horror show once when I was a child where blood came out of the shower head. And then later I heard a story of a woman who had spiders come out of her shower head (and I actually did have one fall out of our air vent once while I was in the bathroom, so that didn't help). So anyhow, since I refuse to close my eyes when showering and I try very hard not to think about anything either, I am forced to stare at the shower walls.

After seeing the letter A on my husband's head, I thought I'd share my "shower stall visions."

Cat and mouse (sorry about the glare)



Jesus? Or maybe his cousin?



Old man winter



The naughty wall



The water pitcher



Nude torso



There are lots more, but these are the ones that really stand out to me. Don't you wish you could be inside my brain? I told you I was crazy.

Procrastination Meme

read this over here, so doing it here because it's a good way to procrastinate

1. Five names you go by

a) Ange
b) Angelique
c) Sister
d) Mommy
e) Ang

2. Three things you are wearing right now:
a) t-shirt
b) navy exercise pants
c) glasses

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:
a) to give myself what I try so hard to give my boys (all of them)
b) my husband home (he works retail, tis the season for goofy hours)


4. Three people whom I would like to see fill this out:

a) Sister
b) Aunt Janice
c) Aunt Elaine


5. Two things you did last night
a) Went on an impromptu date (dinner with a gift certificate!) with Hubby when he got home from work
b) Cleaned up Moosie's puke


6. Two things you ate today:
a) Peanut M&Ms
b) Coffee (this counts if I had it for breakfast, right?)


7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:
a) Hubby
b) My dad


8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
a) Work on one of my freelance projects
b) Decorate outside to surprise the boys (if I can con Hubby into helping)


9. Two longest car rides
a) From MO to Niagara Falls when 5 months pregnant and driving (riding) straight through (minus a pee break here or there)
b) From MO to Duck Shores North Carolina and back with two little boys, a Hubby, and a lovesick sister
(I'm sure I had longer rides on vacations when I was a kid, but I have blocked those out permanently.)


10. Two of your favorite beverages:
a) strong coffee with cream
b) fountain cherry coke in the summatime


AND ANOTHER:
Pick a color for the things that you have done. Mine are asterisked.
I have…
*1. Started my own blog
*2. Slept under the stars
*3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
*5. Watched a meteor shower
*6. Given more than I can afford to charity
*7. Been to Disneyland/world
*8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
*10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
*13. Watched lightning at sea
*14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
*18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
*21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
*23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
*24. Built a snow fort
*25. Held a lamb (Bubba's stuffed animal one)
*26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Skied a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
*29. Seen a total eclipse
*30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
*32. Been on a cruise (a small one from Ft. Lauderdale to the Bahamas)
*33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
*35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
*41. Sung karaoke
*42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
*45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
*46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
*52. Kissed in the rain
*53. Played in the mud
*54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (documentary)
*56. Visited the Great Wall of China Well, I was in China when I was 12, I think I saw it, but didn't get to walk on it)
*57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
*61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
*62. Gone whale watching
*63. Got flowers for no reason
*64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
*67. Bounced a check
*68. Flown in a helicopter
*69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
*70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
*71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
*74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
*79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
*80. Published a book (I worked in book production, so technically I was part of publishing lots of books.)
81. Visited the Vatican
*82. Bought a brand new car (truck)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
*84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
*86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
*88. Had chickenpox
*89. Saved someone’s life (Sister, when she choked on a butterscotch when we were kids)
90. Sat on a jury
*91. Met someone famous (Um, Vicki from the Loveboat. Fozzie Bear. Do they count? Gene Cernan, the last man to walk on the moon.)
*92. Joined a book club
*93. Lost a loved one
*94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
*98. Owned a cell phone
*99. Been stung by a bee
*100. Ridden an elephant

My Reality

I happened on this local artist's work. I like it. I connect with it. That is all.

The ways of the universe

I specifically did not post about our kitty until I was pretty certain she would be a permanent member of our family. We have had her since early August, but I dared not post pictures about her in fear that I would jinx keeping her.

So yesterday, I finally post pictures, and what happens? Yesterday afternoon she was turned in to animal control and this morning Hubby woke up with out-of-control allergies. (I told him maybe he was allergic to the cat being gone. He didn't buy it.)

So now I fret and wait for the animal control office to open at 10am so I can go rescue Sally. The poor baby must be scared, and probably downright pissed to be back at the shelter.

She wasn't happy as a 100% inside cat. So I don't know what to do. In the past few weeks she has been becoming so much more vibrant and healthy. She doesn't meow all of the time or rip paper since we started letting her play outside. And when she's outside, she rolls on the concrete and chases leaves and bugs. And we keep her indoors from early evening until morning, giving her the option to go out during the day (but she doesn't have to). SO what do we do? I don't want her to keep getting picked up (It is going to cost us $70 to get her back!), but I don't want her to be miserable either?

Another Anniversary

To all those who read my blog, I am aware that I have "issues." Chances are if you asked me for a list, everything that you have secretly thought at one time or another would be on there. I am fully aware and very expressive about all of my idiosyncrasies. And in fact, I suppose that is one of my many issues!

I remember once my sister telling me "Ange, I don't know how to say this, but you have some issues..." As she trailed off, I cheerily replied, "You mean like how I do [this] or [that]?" "Um yeah..." she stammered.

So yesterday, aware that I am always either very hot or very cold, very anxious or very depressed, very emotional or very distant, I quipped to Hubby: "You know I am a little crazy, right?"

"Yes," he said, and then gave me that sincere smile, that smile that tells me he wouldn't want it any other way.

Not that he doesn't have his issues either...but many of the reasons why I married him 11 years ago this month were exactly because of his "issues." And I'm sure (actually, I am positive) the same goes for him. Not that it has made for an easy life, because let me tell you, between the two of us, there's a lot of drama, confusion, and tension. But we choose to look at it as excitement, spontaneity, and passion.

Here's to another year of the best kind of love--the kind that ain't easy, but oh so worth it.

Right on the money

Since another blogger inspired me and because I am the absolute queen of procrastination (or is it multitasking since I simultaneously gave my children their bath?), I took this personality test.

I am an Idealist. I don't know the rest because it costs money on this site. So I guess that makes me a cheap idealist. *Updated to add that Hubby is an artisan, which is also quite correct if you read his blurb.

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Idealists at Work
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.

Your beliefs are the arbiter of your actions, even if you cannot articulate those beliefs specifically. You hold a strong, clear sense of the way the universe works, what's "right" and what's "wrong," and what your purpose is in the overall scheme of things. In your ideal job, you can embody those beliefs in your relationships with other people. Because you likely have a talent for de-escalating situations and can almost always find just the "right words", you often significantly improve the morale of organizations to which you belong.

************************************************

Artisans are the temperament with a natural ability to excel in any of the arts, not only the fine arts such as painting and sculpting, or the performing arts such as music, theater, and dance, but also the athletic, military, political, mechanical, and industrial arts, as well as the "art of the deal" in business.

Artisans are most at home in the real world of solid objects that can be made and manipulated, and of real-life events that can be experienced in the here and now. Artisans have exceptionally keen senses, and love working with their hands. They seem right at home with tools, instruments, and vehicles of all kinds, and their actions are usually aimed at getting them where they want to go, and as quickly as possible. Thus Artisans will strike off boldly down roads that others might consider risky or impossible, doing whatever it takes, rules or no rules, to accomplish their goals. This devil-may-care attitude also gives the Artisans a winning way with people, and they are often irresistibly charming with family, friends, and co-workers.

Artisans want to be where the action is; they seek out adventure and show a constant hunger for pleasure and stimulation. They believe that variety is the spice of life, and that doing things that aren't fun or exciting is a waste of time. Artisans are impulsive, adaptable, competitive, and believe the next throw of the dice will be the lucky one. They can also be generous to a fault, always ready to share with their friends from the bounty of life. Above all, Artisans need to be free to do what they wish, when they wish. They resist being tied or bound or confined or obligated; they would rather not wait, or save, or store, or live for tomorrow. In the Artisan view, today must be enjoyed, for tomorrow may never come.

There are many Artisans, perhaps 30 to 35 percent of the population, which is good, because they create much of the beauty, grace, fun, and excitement the rest of us enjoy in life.

Artisans at Work
Artisans seek to make an impact upon the organizations where they work and upon society at large. Their alertness to current realities, the joy they take in variation, and their tendency to follow their instincts to 'what works' make them good troubleshooters and negotiators, talented performers and craftspeople and excellent leaders in all kinds of emergencies and chaotic situations.

Even at work, your motto could be, "Let me entertain you. Let me make you smile." In fact, bringing playfulness to situations can be one of your greatest contributions on the job. In your ideal job, you have the opportunity to apply your talent for performing and improvising communications so that they appeal to the individuals or groups of people in your environment. Because of your gift for words, your ideal position might include tasks that allow you to apply your communications talent for the good of the organization.

Politics

Bubba has been curious about the presidential race. We have been counting signs in the neighborhood, tallying them, using our estimates to decide the winner on November 4th. Bubba and Moosie have been exposed to the debates, and they watched each debate for a few minutes and asked us questions.

According to Bubba, Obama should win because we have had "too many white presidents." He decided this after we looked through a book of past presidents. McCain almost had him with his military background, but lost Bubba's vote because he doesn't "want a girl assistant." As awful as it sounds, the reasoning behind this is simply because, like most 8-year-old boys, he "doesn't like girls."

Even if you don't think they are, the kids are listening...to the political ads, the off-color discussions, the media coverage, the debates and rallies, and everything in between.

Who did the kids pick?

Procrastination

Hopefully this isn't the face recognition software the FBI uses...

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

And what sort of politically correct bullshit is this?

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family history - Geneology software

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Geneology

The Right Words

I was cleaning today (yes, what a shocker), and I came across a card that I gave Hubby at some point.

It read:

Love isn't in the falling...
It's in the staying there

I added the words "No matter how often we change, I'm glad we do it together."

Now I'm not saying we change in the same ways or even at the same time, but we're not afraid to learn from each other, resistant maybe, but not afraid.

My way or the highway

Bubba has always had significant issues with self regulation--regulating attention, sensory input, impulsivity, anxiety, the list goes on and on. We have slowly, but successfully, been helping him develop self-regulation skills by first helping him recognize when he needs to use them and then by teaching him (and practicing) an arsenal of tactics to keep himself in check. Currently, if we can cue him to do something like deep breathing or tight squeezes or incorporate something (like heavy lifting) into something he is doing when we see his energy, frustration, or fear escalating, well then, he is pretty successful. But if we miss the precursors and therefore the opportunity to interject, he can escalate rather quickly and in seconds any skills are useless.

In the car this weekend on the way to my parents' house, we had to make several detours because of heavy flooding. Bubba does not like to take the highway to my parents house, but rather the "short cut" as he calls it. Bubba doesn't dislike the highway completely, but we have come to figure out that to him the highway means A) a long trip, B) a long time coped up in the car, and C) the possibility of falling asleep (Godforbid he sleeps!). We typically let him choose the direction as it usually doesn't matter to us; however, this time, we had no control over the situation. We continued on through the short cut until we were greeted by a "Road Closed" sign. Hubby and I looked at eachother. Shit. Shit. SHIT!

So I started the prewarning: "The road is closed." "Water is on the road so we can't take the shortcut..."

Before I could do anything else, Bubba was screaming--that uncontrollable, uncertain, fearful yelling. It increased each time we turned around trying to find a way to avoid the highway. Eventually we determined there was no other way than the highway. So we headed to the ramp. As Bubba increased the intensity of his screaming, I automatically instructed methodically: "Take a deep breath."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hubby breathe in deeply and noticed the instinct fill my chest as well. As we both exhaled, Bubba continued to scream until we got off the highway.

Sometimes we need those reminders to take a deep breath. And sometimes, sometimes, we just need to get off the damn highway.

Yeah David!

David Cook that is. It was nice to see a sincere winner... could you just imagine the "other David's" face if he would've won? "Who me? Little ol' me?" Come on, you know the face. Hopefully the "other David" isn't disowned by his father.

And, I teared up a little watching Mr. Cook cry. Not sure if I was crying because he was emotional or because I was ready to make a glitter sign for him and wave it around frantically. Hey, he is from Missouri!

I hope he can make a decent album under the American Idol rigmarole. I guess Carrie Underwood was able to do her thing, so we'll see...

Sing Me a Sad Song

So I have this shameful habit (I don't think it is really a pleasure) watching American Idol. My involvement has gotten progressively worse over the years--this year I even read entertainment news stories and participated in Idol...oops I mean idle...chit chat (that crappy attempt at world play was done in the spirit of Ryan Seacrest). I have yet to vote, but the urge is there... and that scares me.

This year I have been a fan of David Cook. And while I hope he doesn't win--because I would like a creative record from him rather than an Idol-inspired pop nightmare--if the "other David" wins, do we REALLY need another ballad singer? Maybe the "other David" could do a duet with Clay Aiken. And they can make funny googly faces at one another in the video. Just an idea...

Happiness is in the (not) so little things

The boys are finally back in their sandbox / construction / farm equipment phase and it is warm enough to play in the sandbox.



The garden, which turned out to be a much bigger project than we ever thought, may-- just may-- be ready for a late season planting. Square foot gardening (modified), here we come!



The Rosebud tree I planted a few years ago when it was a twig has bloomed its first pretty pink buds. Kind of makes up for the one damaged, which had been planted in my mom's memory 20 something years ago.




The rain barrel we concocted last year to water the garden yet to happen (and solve the issue of where the sump pump water goes without having to dig massive trenches)is still functional. The strainer (to keep the mosquitoes from populating) won't stay put, dang it. And it keeps filling up and we have nothing to water in the back, so I have to release the overflow down yonder. We're going to put another one on the side of the house to use for the front watering needs and to solve the water problem of that gutter, again so we can avoid trenching. Laziness and desperation are the father and mother of all inventions, right?



Oh, the laundry couch? Take a look. No small feat. (No, the clothes are not in a pile on the floor.)

Pee-nah

When a child goes through the developmental stage of potty training, there seems to be an accompanying fascination with their potty parts and an obsession with potty part/function words.

My child is not being sassy because he says "poo poo" and "pee pee". Well, he wasn't until you kept telling him not to say those words. Since they seem to irritate you, well, why not repeat them over and over and over?

And my child is not into b[e]stiality just because he asks every 5 seconds if that's the dog's "pee-nah" (penis) and repeatedly tries to touch it.

And he's not an exhibitionist just because he likes to strip buttnaked, examine himself in the mirror as he stands on the toilet, and then happily waddle around the living room squeezing his package.

At least these are things I tell myself every day.

Since Moose is only four, I know I have years of "pee-nah" issues in the future.

Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't have one.