Shit

We left early this morning, and when we returned we were welcomed home by the smell of shit. Hubby did the dishes, the trash was emptied last night. The house is pretty clean. I'm a little nervous that the smell of shit may actually be shit somewhere.

Since I am a good little avoider, we are doing what I do best... we're leaving the house. Me and the boys are going to the park. I fully expect the shit smell to be gone by the time we get back. You'd think by now I'd have learned that ignoring shit doesn't make it not stink... but, ummm no. Not the case.

Moving In

After 5 months, all of the cleaning and repairs are complete after the seemingly minor water damage. Who knew how extensive the damage would be and how beyond extensive the repair process would be?

The final touch was completed yesterday when the restoration company cleaned the upstairs carpet, which had become soiled from all of the months of worker foot traffic. Now we are unpacking boxes, or basically resorting through our lives which had been on hold since early May.

And this is what I feel like I have been avoiding. I've been living day by day for so long, but to do that I have been unable to really write much in my blog. My blog is basically a reflection of my life... A reflection of the inner and outer workings of me. To reflect on anything and permanently put said reflections into writing go against staying irresponsibly and lazily in the here and now.

Apparently, to get through the past few months (which I never thought would actually be nearly HALF A YEAR!) I put much of my life on hold just to survive. It's just how the all or nothingness of my brain works... not very functional, but the bills are paid, our house is standing (and actually somewhat clean), and the kiddos are alive and kicking (and dare I say happy). I've been doing great, happy as can be.

But here I am unpacking all of those things and thoughts that I had carefully avoided during my one-day-at-a-time summer vacation. And when all of that piled up shit hits me at once (I'm serious, I have an entire bag of stuff to deal with from writing IEP meeting follow up letters to submitting dental insurance appeals to taking blood tests)... well that kind of sucks. It's times like these where I realize I cycle just like my kids. Good thing is I don't crash like I used to ... yeah I get gloomy and retreat until everything makes sense again, but at least now I can face making everything make sense again.

In my adult life the thing I struggle with most is knowing that there will always be something. I have got to stop thinking "everything will be back to normal once such and such is settled." There's always another "such and such" around the corner. And for a non-adaptable, unflexible person like me (and my kids), that is a difficult concept.

Avoidance

I've been avoiding my blog lately, and I am not sure why. I think about things I could post about, usually when driving (which may explain the recent speeding ticket), but lately I haven't been expanding on any of the ideas bouncing around up there. Usually when I am procrastinating/avoiding, there is a bigger reason... I instead read other people's blogs, and type out responses, and then 4 out of 5 times I never hit Submit.

So here I am typing something, just to break the behavioral pattern of not posting. That's about all I can muster.

Good things

Hubby actually has the weekend off. A holiday weekend off. Three days. So what do we do? We spend all day at my parents' house so that Dad can help Hubby fix the brakes on one of our cars and Hubby can help put the insides back in my Dad's car (long story).

It was a nice day, so me and the boys played outside and tried to stay out of the way. I forget how much I miss having a little land to explore. Amazingly enough, not only did we get to fraternize with two baby deer we also saw two hot air balloons pas overhead close enough to see the flames shooting into the balloons.

Nothing beats hearing the boys yelling "Hello" to the deer and hot air balloons, although the excitement in their eyes was pretty awesome.

Last Halloween

I found this picture from last year on my parents computer, Mr. Moose was a train engineer.

Last night we became proud owners of a hand-me-down Darth Vader helmet that makes breathing sounds. Moosie was scared to death and won't even enter a room where the helmet is resting. Bubba on the other hand disappeared for a good chunk of time and emerged with his "project" (as he called it). He has decided for Halloween that he wants to be "Darth Project" which according to Bubba is a combination of Count Dooku, Darth Vader, and Obi Wan Kenobi. Moosie wishes to be Boba Fett for Halloween, or as he stated "MahME, Boba eht weee!!"

I know close to nothing about Star Wars, and in fact I had to look up all of the character names online so that I could spell them here. But it doesn't worry me, because I won't need to make or buy any Star Wars costumes. Bubba has always loved making up costumes. One year he was a Skeleton Knight Scary Spiderman (his title). His costume? A Knight frock, a sword, a Spiderman mask, and cowboy boots. I don't know where the skeleton came in exactly, but I think he saw a decorative one as he was walking out the door.

SO in a few months, watch out for "Darth Project" and "Boba Eht" (that is unless my boys change their minds).