Moving In

After 5 months, all of the cleaning and repairs are complete after the seemingly minor water damage. Who knew how extensive the damage would be and how beyond extensive the repair process would be?

The final touch was completed yesterday when the restoration company cleaned the upstairs carpet, which had become soiled from all of the months of worker foot traffic. Now we are unpacking boxes, or basically resorting through our lives which had been on hold since early May.

And this is what I feel like I have been avoiding. I've been living day by day for so long, but to do that I have been unable to really write much in my blog. My blog is basically a reflection of my life... A reflection of the inner and outer workings of me. To reflect on anything and permanently put said reflections into writing go against staying irresponsibly and lazily in the here and now.

Apparently, to get through the past few months (which I never thought would actually be nearly HALF A YEAR!) I put much of my life on hold just to survive. It's just how the all or nothingness of my brain works... not very functional, but the bills are paid, our house is standing (and actually somewhat clean), and the kiddos are alive and kicking (and dare I say happy). I've been doing great, happy as can be.

But here I am unpacking all of those things and thoughts that I had carefully avoided during my one-day-at-a-time summer vacation. And when all of that piled up shit hits me at once (I'm serious, I have an entire bag of stuff to deal with from writing IEP meeting follow up letters to submitting dental insurance appeals to taking blood tests)... well that kind of sucks. It's times like these where I realize I cycle just like my kids. Good thing is I don't crash like I used to ... yeah I get gloomy and retreat until everything makes sense again, but at least now I can face making everything make sense again.

In my adult life the thing I struggle with most is knowing that there will always be something. I have got to stop thinking "everything will be back to normal once such and such is settled." There's always another "such and such" around the corner. And for a non-adaptable, unflexible person like me (and my kids), that is a difficult concept.