I was driving down the road minding my own business when...
Something hit the side of my car so hard I felt the door vibrate. It scared the shit out of me, and of course since I am a person of high anxiety, I thought for sure a kid rode his bike into my car and I had left him dying in the street with blood oozing out of his nose. So I turned around and...
Some kids were throwing ice balls at passing traffic.
So I pulled over, put on my hazard lights, and jumped out of the car. The culprits took off between the two houses they were stationed in between. I rang the doorbells of both houses, but no one came to either door (even though all of the lights were on). So I wrote down the addresses and last names from the mailboxes so that I could visit them tomorrow. I felt like ripping up their cute little blow up Santa and spitting on their holiday candles flickering ever so innocently in the windows.
The little fuckers put a nice ding in my door and took off some paint.
It's official. I have become my father. Lucky for those little bastards I was too tired to run and I didn't have a belt handy.