Saturday, February 10, 2007

Diagnose Me

OK, I'm back already, but just for a minute-ish. It's really bothering me that I fell into this significant OCD session. And Hubby, who apparently checked my blog, confronted me about my last post. I cried about how I don't understand when I get like this and I feel "taken over" and, well, obsessed...out-of-control obsessed.

Then as we were talking, we realized I haven't been like this for a few months. And the last time I was like this was when I has having those weird nauseous, near fainting, then extreme fatigue bouts. Last weekend I had one during the day (usually I have them at night) and then I felt like I had the shit kicked out of me. This last time, my mother-in-law came over as I could barely keep my eyes open...then I slept for over 12 hours. Again it seemed very coincidental with my menstrual cycle (sorry). And again I feel as if I have been catapulted into some obsessive compulsive depressive anxiety hell. And the daily fatigue is back. My short-term memory loss is also scaring me....but that's normal I guess?

And Hubby is the one who was spelling some of this out for me. He said I went downhill after Bubba's IEP meeting last month (which I haven't posted about). I took a Xanax because I was so anxious.

I don't know what it all means, but Hubby said it's time to go to another doctor...but who? What kind? My primary care is of no help, my OB is limited. I was supposed to go to a psychiatrist...but I'm not too keen on getting back on the medication merry-go-round. This crap was much worse when I was on Lexapro and stopped when I weaned off of it...until now...but maybe that was just coincidental.

And to think, last month I was bragging about how happy and in line everything seemed to be. Not easy, not less challenging, it just seemed to make sense and work. Now I'm back to trying to force myself to function on some levels. And those nauseous, dizzy episodes scare me to death, because I think I'm going to die. I don't think they are panic attacks, but they quickly lead to them! I don't want to go back to being afraid of when they might pop up.

OK. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is another day. And I am very thankful for my Hubby who gave me the best hug ever. Sorry for the gripe, but felt I had better be honest to my 3 or 4 readers!

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