Happy New Year 2008

I took a look at how I felt on the previous New Year's day before posting, and while I don't feel as wistful and intrigued like last year, I still feel "in the moment" and simplified. For someone with severe anxiety and the related issues of needing to feel in control at all times, this is a place I never thought I would be.

Partly my memory is not what it used to be and my neurological capacity is a bit more fleeting than it used to be. Also, I have found success in eating better and exercising, and I surprisingly don't feel that my complete failure to adhere to "the plan" between Halloween and New Years can't be rectified.

I've realized many of my obsessions and compulsions and am doing all I can this year to work with them. For example, I have an obsession with things that create warmth and security. My related compulsions are coffee, baking, buying (collecting) candles, throw pillows, throws (blankets), picture frames (to surround myself with pictures), warm colors, bread, air freshener (vanilla variety), etc. I am going to try and work with what I have instead of buying or collecting more. Maybe lighting a candle would work instead of buying yet another one??? Ya think?

I also have an obsession for information, whether it is useful or not. My compulsions are to read way too many blogs, buy way too many books, and lose an unacceptable amount of books from the library. I also have an obsession to be validated, which means I check e-mail, comments, etc. way way way too much. This year I am going to try and create for myself, learn for myself. I bought this book [**ahem*** comPULsion!](since Hubby doesn't read my blog so never got the hint).

My other major goal this year is to work with my "all or nothing" attitude. It's alright to do the dishes even if I can't clean the whole kitchen right then. It's OK to fold clothes for 10 minutes, even if I won't finish. It's OK to exercise on Wednesday even if I haven't exercised for 2 weeks. It's OK to buy organic milk and eggs, even if I go for the cheaper hormone-laden butter and the preservative-rich Ragu. I can cook a homemade meal even if I use instant potatoes.

I also really want to get to my edible garden this year. We have a compost pile. We have a flower garden in the front, now we just have to build and plant our terrace vegetable/herb/flower garden into the back hill. I have to keep telling myself it's OK to just plant a few things and have success with those rather than plant a million things and it all be overtaken by weeds.

I still want our family life to be simpler and less about consumerism and electronics. I have so failed at that thus far.

We will see what the year brings...